Ugh I'm such an attention whore...
But I can't help but think about what would happen when I'm gone? How would people react? How would they handle the situation? Would they even care...?
I'm sorry I had this stuck in my head for a while and I needed to let it out somehow.
I've been thinking about it lately since the little family I have sees me as total pain in the back and a total package and some friends that used to talk to me a lot lately they barely talk to me at all. They have grown each day more distant from me. Plus many other problems mostly family related that's taking a toll on me. It's been causing me a lot of emotional and mental distress lately, seriously I'm too young for this. I barely started college and living my own life and already going through this. I already had unnecessary teenage drama for these years, sometimes it makes me want to curl up in a corner and disappear. Really pathetic of me that I should be thinking about it... It won't solve anything after all. My mental troubles kinda affected my physical well being but thank heavens it didn't screwed me over totally. Many people around me claim that they care but I do a silly stupid thing and immediately they start proving me otherwise. They say they'll always be there for me when I need them, but at the time I need them...they turn their backs on me. I'll literally have to fend for myself if I want to continue on living and reach my goals. And I do want to accomplish that!
But obviously it's not easy. Thankfully only a few people and one family member are helping and supporting me. So I'm very thankful because of that.
The lack of motivation I had since January has kinda grown a little bit more severe than expected. Even tho right now I have been feeling a little bit better than before...but that doesn't fix the little promises and the many self-promises that I broke. I constantly promised in my past journals that I will try and post more drawings and be more active, but I have failed you all miserably. When I try to draw something it either ends up being horrible or just that I get too lazy due to the lack of motivation. And sometimes I'm too chicken to talk to my friends here on DA, and that came with a horrible price... I even though of deactivating and start fresh in another account, but I didn't wan't to risk to loose the good friends that I have here. So I decided to post more drawings myself and try to at least be more sociable. In a week I'm starting college, which it could help me greatly and help ignore my troubles.
I gotta stop thinking of what other people think of me, don't let myself be judged by other people and just be happy.
But I really want to know if they really care or not...